I've moved again...

Find me here: here in my head

farewell blogger...

Dear Blogger,

After 2+ years together, I think it's time we parted ways. We started off well, and you helped me learn a lot. For a time you created for me a good home, one that I could decorate and make my own. But you've changed, and while I applaud anyone for attempting to make themselves better, I have needs you can't accomodate. We're just not working out. So I'm moving on...

Sincerely,
Suze

For those who wish to follow, you can find me at my new place: www.stillbaking.ca/blog

it's a little disjointed, because i'm at work, and am distracted by actual work related work, and can't be bothered to edit...

It's hard to believe that just a few, short days ago (four to be exact) we woke up to see this outside our bedroom window:

That was Monday. Today, the sun is shining and it's so warm you don't need a jacket. Winter to Summer in 0.6 seconds. Spring? Who needs spring?

I really don't know how anyone can look at the weather we've been having for the last few years and deny global warming. Oh wait! Thanks to Jon Stewart, I can... Apocolypse How?

Right - the earth is getting hotter because god's gearing up for the impending apocolypse.

And if heaven is just a giant RV park in the sky, I don't want to go there...

This climate change thing frightens me. And while we have made a lot of little changes that have lessened our individual footprints, I know there is much more that I could do. And there are many temptations to do the non-environmentally friendly things. Like, for instance, my desire for a car. The environment is the main argument Mike throws at me everytime I suggest that I'm tired of relying on the unreliable public transportation in Ottawa and I want a car. That we don't need two cars. That by me taking the bus everyday we are helping to cut back on our emissions, helping the environment. Which is true. But when you live in the suburbs, where everything from the lack of sidewalks to the gigantic box stores with miles of parking lots and no walkways is geared towards cars, it's easy to forget that. Cars are almost a necessity out there in cookie-cutter suburbia. And in our suburb especially, it seems everyone drives a mini-van or an SUV. They're not terribly environmentally friendly, those cars.

So I've countered with the promise that if I were to get a second car, I'd buy something eco-friendly - like a hybrid (if I win the lottery) or a small, fuel-efficient vehicle like a Smart Car. Mike shakes his head and reminds me that, no matter what, a second car increases our eco-footprint. Not reduces it...

Which was why I couldn't help but smile yesterday when, while taking the bus through our neighbourhood on my way to work, I saw parked in the extra-wide driveway of one of the oversized houses a Range Rover next to a Smart Car...

sneak peak...

The new blog isn't officially launched, but a sneak peak is available here: Stillbaking.ca/blog...

namaste...

It will never cease to amaze me the multitude of ways in which people can surprise you if you let them. And how you can find a kindred spirit in the least likely of people. And how, if you're open and willing, you can have a very different night than you expected and it can be much, much better than you ever imagined...

We all need to be a little more open and a little more kind...

And just because I'm still slightly tipsy, it doesn't make this any less true.

i have been in a foul mood all day. forgive me...

I'm really curious as to what genetic quirk or faulty synapse is the reason that I can be presented with really minor, minor irritations and yet blow them completely out of proportion. Or what neuron impulse can be blamed for the reason why I can be so pessimistic about my own life and yet so optimistic about others. And why, when I can clearly and rationally point out to myself that I am completely overreacting and dear god, just suck it up woman and behave - I pull the diva and the drama queen and play the depression card. I had no reason today to be depressed and yet I woke up in the most foul of foul moods, with the clouds over my head darker than the ones in (our very dark, I might add) sky. And it effected everything I did. I skipped my workout at the gym, I grabbed a sandwich at lunch rather than eat the healthy food I'd brought, I ate candy that was offered up by coworkers, and just basically took horrid care of myself all day long, using my pissy mood as an excuse.

And it needs to stop. And I know it needs to stop. Because, it is really, really exhausting to deal with this diva crap that I pull - and I'm only talking from my perspective here, let alone the perspective of those who actually have to live within my sphere...

Yeah, so I'm feeling put out that I have to go to the gym every morning and work out or otherwise I gain weight, quickly and easily. Yeah, so I'm feeling like life is unfair that my coworkers can eat chocolate every day and not gain an ounce. And yeah, so I'm tired of the dieting and the working out and the fight to keep me on this path for health, because it feels overwhelming and impossible at times - but so what? Am I not worth the effort? I'd like to think that I am. And for god's sake, those are minor complaints compared to the many, many real struggles and difficulties so many other people are facing in the world. Why is it that I cannot simply be happy with my (considerably comfortable and fortunate, I know) lot in life and make do with what I have. Which is a lot.

So why is it I can't just recognize that and let all the other shit go? Because I really, really, really want to do that...

splat...

Well, I was hoping to debut a new blog today, at my recently obtained domain, but wordpress has decided to be a son of a bitch and won't let me log on. I figured out how to install, but now I can't log on to post or play with the template or anything else. And I'm tired and cranky. So we're sticking to blogspot for the moment.

And, how is it that parents know the exact wrong moment to call?

And why do boyfriends who are gone all day think it's okay to leave you alone for over an hour after they get home when you obviously want some company...

Becuase, you know, it is all about me.

I'm sad that my vacation is now, officially over. And I didn't accomplish half of what I hoped to, but I did have a good week. I don't really want to go back to work tomorrow, although it will be nice to get back into a routine. I really do better when there is a set routine in my life, even though I'd prefer to not have one. When given too much choice as to how to spend my time, I usually get overwhelmed and do nothing - like today. I did very little but sit on my ass, play on the computer and watch tv. So getting back to my "normal" life will be good for no other reason than simply it will force me to do things.

But now I'm going to actually turn off the computer, get off my ass and track down my boyfriend becuase I'm tired of passively watching tv and surfing the net and want some actual human interaction. And because I feel like annoying him. I really am a brat...

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas, and other random thoughts for a thursday afternoon...

I realize that having a snow storm in April is rare. And I realize that it's completely unfair that we had a white Easter when we had a green Christmas. But is that really a reason to play Christmas music?

I was serenaded by God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen as played on steel drums this afternoon while in my favourite coffee shop. I was so amused that I didn't say anything. Eventually the baristas caught on and switched the music to non-seasonal fare...

......

I'm loving being on vacation. I'm enjoying sleeping in and doing whatever I want...I'm sad that tomorrow is my last vacation day. I'm not ready to go back to work on Monday. I know that I still have three days, but this week has flown by. I have realized that sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours is far more condusive to visiting blogs, commenting on blogs, and writing my own blog, it seems. It's much easier to avoid the computer when you don't have to work on it all day long...

......

Trying to figure out wordpress templates and css is kicking my ass. I used to think I was smart... Perhaps there is a reason to use blogger, despite its (many) flaws...

......

Everyone needs a good friend who isn't afraid to tell you what you need to hear, whether or not you want to. And who will go with you to run a silly errand and not question your sanity. Or, at least, not to your face...